black-family

Riddle Me This

babies co-parenting parenting relationships role reversal Nov 04, 2019

Boy meets girl. They date for about 2 years and girl gets pregnant. The pregnancy is rough on them both and they break up. They speak at appointments and that’s about it. She has the baby and decides he should keep it. Not for any particular reason at all, because she has a good job, her own house, and lives a fairly routine life. 

He raises the baby. At first, she was visiting the baby every other weekend; buying diapers regularly; and, sending a couple hundred dollars every few months. Then she found a new love. They get married, have more kids, and live happily ever after. She still gets the baby every other weekend, and she definitely has relationship with her 1st kid. But the money slows down because she has new babies to take care of, and her contact diminishes because she has a family to tend to. 

Boy and girl have issues at this point. Boy wants girl to contribute more financially and to be more of a presence. Girl accuses of him of being jealous of her moving on and having a new family. They’re getting nowhere fast.  

 Listening to the story, I bet you’re thinking what a bad mom. How could she leave her baby with the dad? How dare she skip out on her responsibilities as a parent? How dare she feel like she can start over with new kids and forget about the first? But, if the roles were reversed, and the guy was the girl above, he would not only be respected but praised for being a good father. Yet somehow if a mother played that same role in her child’s life, she would be considered neglectful…horrible, even.

 Where does it say that when a man and woman make a baby that the baby is the mother’s responsibility only and the father has the option of taking care of it and on his terms? I never understood why men feel it’s okay to give a little bit here and there and leave the mother to take care of everything else. They know firsthand how much money and time it takes to take care of a person, because they do it for themselves. Yet and still, they feel like they’re doing their job as a father by helping intermittently.

 The worst part is there are actually women who buy into this and tear down other women who require more of the fathers of their children, because they praise a man who does anything for his kid because there are so many who do nothing. I, myself, don’t believe in praising people for doing what they’re supposed to do.

 Fortunately, I don’t have these issues, but unfortunately, there are plenty of women who do. I just want for us to all do better collectively as a people, for ourselves and these babies.

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